Labour
Started approx 2am on Wednesday the 10th. I'm starting labour there as that is when the contractions were 5 minutes appart and strong enough to keep me awake. When I did manage to doze they would wake me up.
At 7am Wednesday morning we went into the triage in the maternity ward, they checked me out and said I was 2cms dilated and in the early stages of labour. They stretched my cervix again and sent us home. I had contractions on and off for the rest of the day and seemed to be one of those people that they stayed strong if I sat and slowed if I walked, so all that walking the hospital suggested didn't work for me.
In the evening of the 10th/early morning of the 11th the contractions became regular again and were approx every 4 1/2 minutes and definitely getting longer and stronger. From 1am on the 11th until 6am I sat in the chair in our room dozing between contractions when I could and breathing through the contractions until around 4am when I started wanting to moan through the pain. I couldn't lay down due to the pain being far worse so that's why I was in the chair. They were also lasting approx 2 - 3 minutes long at this point.
So at approx 7:30 am or so Raph and I headed back to the hospital and to triage in the mat ward. They hooked me up and checked me again and I was now at 4cm's...waters bulging. So Dr says, I'm going to break your water and dumb me says...ok as I know they won't send us home again in that case. So he breaks my water and then they say you need to walk for the next hour until we get a room ready for you. They ask if I want drugs and I say that I want the option if needed but that I want to try to do this without drugs. He says cool and that he would let them know to have them for me if I ask for them.
So Raph and I start walking and the contractions get WAY more intense now that my water is broken. It gets to them being about 3 minutes long and feels like they are 4 minutes apart. By the time we are done walking for the first half hour I am not able to talk through them at all and R needs to do concentrated comfort measures on me. By the time we get through another 15 minutes I can't walk at all anymore as I feel very light headed and nauseous and so we head back to triage and I sit on the edge of one of the beds. Well, in the next half hour to an hour (they took way longer getting our room then they said) I was now getting NO relief from the contractions and either moaning loudly through them or hyperventalating through them.
Anything Raph tried was not helping, I had turned inwards into my head and wasn't able to come out to even answer most questions he or others asked. At this point I decided that to make it through 6 more cms like this wasn't going to work for me. I told Raph that when we got a room I was going to take the epidural, he thought this was a good idea as he was getting scared I think...he'd never seen me in this much pain...hell, I'd never been in this much pain that i wasn't getting a break from.
Babe is waking...I'll write more later
So I managed to put him to sleep...for now at least, and got the laundry folded and put away and actually ate something...so lets see if I can get some more of this story out too before my little one wakes again :)
SO I think I left off with the Dr. breaking my water and then telling me to walk for an hour. Within that hour I could no longer walk around as the contractions were so intense and so close together that I could only manage to go a few steps between them so we went back to triage and stayed there until they had a room for us. During my contractions (and between) Raph tried everything he could remember from our pre-natal classes and the book (Birth Partner book written by Penny Simkin) we got to help me through each contraction. For the early one's, the intense but with a break between, smoothing my shoulders down during contractions really worked well. I also used the combs gripped in each hand to help with the pain. As the contractions got stronger Raph tried getting me to do focused breathing, he tried getting me to focus on him or something in the room but the stronger the contractions got, the more my mind turned inwards. My eyes stopped focusing on anything when they were actually open. I stopped responding to Raph's questions, comments, etc. I wouldn't even answer the nurses or Dr's half the time at this point. We told the nurse that as soon as we had a room I wanted an epidural. I had come to the decision that I was going to take the drugs as the thought of going through 6 more cm's of dilation like this would not be healthy for me or for Raph. He was trying very hard to stay calm but when I did come out of my head I could tell that he was starting to panic, was feeling like he was failing me, like he was drowning.
The other reason I decided to have the epidural is that after every contraction I could feel my heart beating irregularly. It felt as if it was fluttering in my chest which was really scaring me.
We didn't end up getting our room until around 1pm I think and I stood facing a window once we were in our room moaning through the contractions. The nurse told me to stop moaning that I was wasting my energy and that I should breath through the pain instead. So I tried doing that. My mom showed up at this point as I told her that she was going to be our back up help. I think Raph was really happy to see her as he now had some help with me in this state. My mom & the nurse kept trying to get me to breath slowly through the pain but about every 3rd contraction I was having extra intense one's and would start to hyperventilate through them. The nurse told me to focus on the calm between the contractions...I told her that there wasn't any calm between them anymore that it was just constant pain at this point...I don't think she believed me.
Anyway, within about a half hour to an hour after getting into our room the anesthesiologist (sp?) showed up and gave me the epidural. He was really nice and explained the procedure to me although I had read so much about them (in hopes of never having to get one) that I knew everything he was telling me already, including the possibility that my tattoo may be an issue. I have my elephant tattoo on the base of my spine and apparently there is a chance that the ink can go into the spine and cause infection. But because my tattoo is tribal and very thin he just worked around it and there was no problem. The epidural going in was a very strange sensation. I could feel the tubes moving around inside my back. The nurse stood in front of me and helped me be still while he was putting it in. Once it was in and he got the medication going (morphine and something else I can't remember) the pain was gone within minutes. What sweet relief. Even the itching that spread over my entire body from the morphine felt blissful at that point. I could finally come out of my head. And my heart stopped fluttering in my chest.
So there I was all itchy and pain free... But of course this is when the other interventions start. Blood pressure cuff lives on my arm. Those damn belts to monitor contractions and baby's heartbeat.
Dr' checked me around 2 or 2:30pm and I was now 6cms dilated...good progress so far.
Then the Dr decided to have an internal fetal heartbeat monitor which Raph and I REALLY didn't want which we told the Dr. But he and the nurse explained them to us again and insisted that he wanted to be sure that the baby was doing ok especially with the epidural and the belt kept moving and we were not getting an accurate reading on the baby. The nurse (who also had her training in Jamaica as a midwife) also talked to us about how it didn't go into the scalp but just the top layer of the baby's skin and that it didn't hurt them at all, so we finally consented. Baby's hearbeat didn't even drop a bit when it went in, so that made us feel better. But of course I now needed a Catheter as I couldn't get up at all at this point because of the monitor.
Now, because of the epidural the contractions began to fade, so around 5 or 6pm they started me on the pitocin drip. And soon I could feel the contractions start to get stronger again. I still couldn't feel any pain, but because of the catheter I felt like I had to pee every time I had one. I continued on this way until approx 8 or 9 when the Dr. checked me again and I was almost 10cms. They told me that when I felt like pushing to let them know and to just go ahead and try pushing when that time came. The Dr. also stated that Zachary was probably going to be a very large baby and that he wasn't sure if the head and shoulders would fit and so that I could try pushing but if no progress was happening then we would discuss other options at that point. I really don't think he thought I was going to be able to have this baby vaginally.
Zachary is awake again... back later...
SO I think I left off with the Dr. breaking my water and then telling me to walk for an hour. Within that hour I could no longer walk around as the contractions were so intense and so close together that I could only manage to go a few steps between them so we went back to triage and stayed there until they had a room for us. During my contractions (and between) Raph tried everything he could remember from our pre-natal classes and the book (Birth Partner book written by Penny Simkin) we got to help me through each contraction. For the early one's, the intense but with a break between, smoothing my shoulders down during contractions really worked well. I also used the combs gripped in each hand to help with the pain. As the contractions got stronger Raph tried getting me to do focused breathing, he tried getting me to focus on him or something in the room but the stronger the contractions got, the more my mind turned inwards. My eyes stopped focusing on anything when they were actually open. I stopped responding to Raph's questions, comments, etc. I wouldn't even answer the nurses or Dr's half the time at this point. We told the nurse that as soon as we had a room I wanted an epidural. I had come to the decision that I was going to take the drugs as the thought of going through 6 more cm's of dilation like this would not be healthy for me or for Raph. He was trying very hard to stay calm but when I did come out of my head I could tell that he was starting to panic, was feeling like he was failing me, like he was drowning.
The other reason I decided to have the epidural is that after every contraction I could feel my heart beating irregularly. It felt as if it was fluttering in my chest which was really scaring me.
We didn't end up getting our room until around 1pm I think and I stood facing a window once we were in our room moaning through the contractions. The nurse told me to stop moaning that I was wasting my energy and that I should breath through the pain instead. So I tried doing that. My mom showed up at this point as I told her that she was going to be our back up help. I think Raph was really happy to see her as he now had some help with me in this state. My mom & the nurse kept trying to get me to breath slowly through the pain but about every 3rd contraction I was having extra intense one's and would start to hyperventilate through them. The nurse told me to focus on the calm between the contractions...I told her that there wasn't any calm between them anymore that it was just constant pain at this point...I don't think she believed me.
Anyway, within about a half hour to an hour after getting into our room the anesthesiologist (sp?) showed up and gave me the epidural. He was really nice and explained the procedure to me although I had read so much about them (in hopes of never having to get one) that I knew everything he was telling me already, including the possibility that my tattoo may be an issue. I have my elephant tattoo on the base of my spine and apparently there is a chance that the ink can go into the spine and cause infection. But because my tattoo is tribal and very thin he just worked around it and there was no problem. The epidural going in was a very strange sensation. I could feel the tubes moving around inside my back. The nurse stood in front of me and helped me be still while he was putting it in. Once it was in and he got the medication going (morphine and something else I can't remember) the pain was gone within minutes. What sweet relief. Even the itching that spread over my entire body from the morphine felt blissful at that point. I could finally come out of my head. And my heart stopped fluttering in my chest.
So there I was all itchy and pain free... But of course this is when the other interventions start. Blood pressure cuff lives on my arm. Those damn belts to monitor contractions and baby's heartbeat.
Dr' checked me around 2 or 2:30pm and I was now 6cms dilated...good progress so far.
Then the Dr decided to have an internal fetal heartbeat monitor which Raph and I REALLY didn't want which we told the Dr. But he and the nurse explained them to us again and insisted that he wanted to be sure that the baby was doing ok especially with the epidural and the belt kept moving and we were not getting an accurate reading on the baby. The nurse (who also had her training in Jamaica as a midwife) also talked to us about how it didn't go into the scalp but just the top layer of the baby's skin and that it didn't hurt them at all, so we finally consented. Baby's hearbeat didn't even drop a bit when it went in, so that made us feel better. But of course I now needed a Catheter as I couldn't get up at all at this point because of the monitor.
Now, because of the epidural the contractions began to fade, so around 5 or 6pm they started me on the pitocin drip. And soon I could feel the contractions start to get stronger again. I still couldn't feel any pain, but because of the catheter I felt like I had to pee every time I had one. I continued on this way until approx 8 or 9 when the Dr. checked me again and I was almost 10cms. They told me that when I felt like pushing to let them know and to just go ahead and try pushing when that time came. The Dr. also stated that Zachary was probably going to be a very large baby and that he wasn't sure if the head and shoulders would fit and so that I could try pushing but if no progress was happening then we would discuss other options at that point. I really don't think he thought I was going to be able to have this baby vaginally.
Zachary is awake again... back later...
So around 9pm I felt for the first time like I had to push....and so it began. Pushing felt great. It was like a very satisfying scratch to an itch I'd had all day. I began pushing with every contraction and the nurse very shortly after told me that I was really good at it and seemed to know exactly what to do and where to push. She gave me progress reports on where the baby's head was and what that meant in terms of time line. As he came further down the birth canal she showed my mom & Raph what it looked like as she did some massage to help stretch my perenium. I continued to push and kept making good progress. As I got closer to the end the pushing felt more intense and the energy in the room changed from one of encouragement to one of excitement. This was going to happen and it was going to happen soon.
When the baby was almost born (a couple minutes to go) and I was stretched to the max I remember exclaiming "F**k that hurts!" and the nurse and doctor laughed and said "Yes it does!". I also remember that with the last couple pushes I would let out these wonderfully primal screams at the end of every push. Felt so good to vocalize this amazing thing that was happening to my body, mind and soul.
Zachary's head was halfway out as one contraction ended so we waited in limbo for my next contraction. When it started I pushed with all my might and out came his head. Then the Doctor told me to push again to get the shoulders out and so I did. Then I felt this slippery sensation pouring out of me as my son was delivered from one world into a new one. I looked down and saw the Doctor clamping the cord and cutting it and then all of a sudden my son was laying on my chest looking up at me and I at him. And he cried. And Raph cried. And my mother cried. And I just stared at this little stranger laying on my chest. This little person who has shared my body and my life's blood for over 9 months but whom I had yet to really know. And we just looked at each other.
Then the nurse took him over to a table on the side of me and started to clean him up a little. He cried like a little lamb. Bottom lip quivering. The pictuer I posted earlier is of these moments just after he was born.
I then delivered the placenta and the doctor stitched me up as I listen to the wailing and listened to Raph & my mom talk about how beautiful he was. And how he had just peed. ~laugh~
Once I was all stiched up they put him back on my chest. I was to hold him for the first 30 - 60 or so minutes before they put the goop in his eyes. I just looked at him and he looked back. So surreal. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how I felt in those moments.
The pushing had taken approx 1hr & 10 minutes. He was born at approx 10:20pm. Around 12:30am the nurse said that we would try breastfeeding quickly before going to our room for the night (they hospital was pretty busy and so it took a while to get a room)
She put Zachary to my breast but he just fell right asleep and so she said that once I was in my room for the night, that nurse would show me how to do it. That nurse never did. She gave me Zachary, told me to do some skin on skin contact and "see how he does" then would come in the room about every two hours that first night and ask "So...how's it going?" but never actually showed me what to do. I tried on my own several times during the night but he wouldn't latch on or suck and I didn't know if I was doing it right. Around 6am the next morning she took him to the nursery and gave him a bottle as I told her he had not latched on and so she took him to feed him instead of sitting with me and spending the time to help me to get him to latch on and nurse. He wouldn't even take his first bottle, didn't want to suck. I can only assume it was possible an after effect of the epidural that made him sleepy and lazy. The nurses after that did try and help me, and said I was doing everything right, but with no luck.
Saturday morning we were due to be released. We were all packed up and ready to go at 11am. Raph's sister was getting married that day and he was hoping to go to the ceremony while I settled a bit at home and then we would both go to the reception and one of my parents would drive me home a few hours later. So the nurse came in at 11, told us to get Zachary into his car seat and she would be right back to make sure he was in there properly. So in he went, and was so stressed out that he vomited. Anyway, nurse came back an hour later wearing a mask and stated that there had been a chemical spill and that the maternity ward had been quaranteened and no one could come or go. Apparently a themometer had been broken and there was mercury all over our ward. So we were kept captive until 6:30pm when they finally got enough cleaned up that it was safe to leave. We drove home, Raph ran in and grabed clothing for us and we drove straight to his sisters reception. We quickly changed when we got there and went into the hall just as everyone was sitting down to dinner. Well...we got swarmed! Talk about overwheming. It felt like EVERYONE left there tables and came to see us and the brand new little one. The DJ even announced what was going on. Once the swarm dispersed a little we left the room as I needed to feed Zachary before we settled at our table. We walked out of the hall and I burst into tears as I just felt so overwhelmed. Anyway, I can go into that more later but I stayed about two hours and then my dad took me home so Raph could keep celebrating with his family.
And so in terms of the breast feeding Zachary just screams into my breast or falls asleep. I've only been able to get him to latch on and suck twice in the last two weeks. I have not totally given up...yet, but it's getting really hard to put together formula, pump my breasts AND try to get him to take my breast himself a few times a day... It feels like all I'm doing is either feeding him or preparing to feed him. At first I felt totally rejected when he did this, now it's just frustration. Between him wailing most of the time he's awake and having to pump when I have time and hope my supply doesn't dry up it's exhausting. At this point I'm only able to get a maximum of 1 - 2 oz. total from both breasts and he's eating 3 oz a meal. I keep thinking what do I do when he's up to 4oz or more and I am still producing 1 - 2 oz. I have an double electric pump now so I can do both breasts in half the time and I try to keep pumping even after the milk stops to make it feel like there is more demand but I'm having no luck so far. I really wanted him to be exclusively breastfed but that is quickly fading as time progresses and I get more and more exhausted and frustrated. I have seen a lactation consultant twice and they too say I'm doing everything right and to keep trying and hopefully one day he'll just "get it"
Anyway, that's my story and I'm sure I'm missing lots.
When the baby was almost born (a couple minutes to go) and I was stretched to the max I remember exclaiming "F**k that hurts!" and the nurse and doctor laughed and said "Yes it does!". I also remember that with the last couple pushes I would let out these wonderfully primal screams at the end of every push. Felt so good to vocalize this amazing thing that was happening to my body, mind and soul.
Zachary's head was halfway out as one contraction ended so we waited in limbo for my next contraction. When it started I pushed with all my might and out came his head. Then the Doctor told me to push again to get the shoulders out and so I did. Then I felt this slippery sensation pouring out of me as my son was delivered from one world into a new one. I looked down and saw the Doctor clamping the cord and cutting it and then all of a sudden my son was laying on my chest looking up at me and I at him. And he cried. And Raph cried. And my mother cried. And I just stared at this little stranger laying on my chest. This little person who has shared my body and my life's blood for over 9 months but whom I had yet to really know. And we just looked at each other.
Then the nurse took him over to a table on the side of me and started to clean him up a little. He cried like a little lamb. Bottom lip quivering. The pictuer I posted earlier is of these moments just after he was born.
I then delivered the placenta and the doctor stitched me up as I listen to the wailing and listened to Raph & my mom talk about how beautiful he was. And how he had just peed. ~laugh~
Once I was all stiched up they put him back on my chest. I was to hold him for the first 30 - 60 or so minutes before they put the goop in his eyes. I just looked at him and he looked back. So surreal. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how I felt in those moments.
The pushing had taken approx 1hr & 10 minutes. He was born at approx 10:20pm. Around 12:30am the nurse said that we would try breastfeeding quickly before going to our room for the night (they hospital was pretty busy and so it took a while to get a room)
She put Zachary to my breast but he just fell right asleep and so she said that once I was in my room for the night, that nurse would show me how to do it. That nurse never did. She gave me Zachary, told me to do some skin on skin contact and "see how he does" then would come in the room about every two hours that first night and ask "So...how's it going?" but never actually showed me what to do. I tried on my own several times during the night but he wouldn't latch on or suck and I didn't know if I was doing it right. Around 6am the next morning she took him to the nursery and gave him a bottle as I told her he had not latched on and so she took him to feed him instead of sitting with me and spending the time to help me to get him to latch on and nurse. He wouldn't even take his first bottle, didn't want to suck. I can only assume it was possible an after effect of the epidural that made him sleepy and lazy. The nurses after that did try and help me, and said I was doing everything right, but with no luck.
Saturday morning we were due to be released. We were all packed up and ready to go at 11am. Raph's sister was getting married that day and he was hoping to go to the ceremony while I settled a bit at home and then we would both go to the reception and one of my parents would drive me home a few hours later. So the nurse came in at 11, told us to get Zachary into his car seat and she would be right back to make sure he was in there properly. So in he went, and was so stressed out that he vomited. Anyway, nurse came back an hour later wearing a mask and stated that there had been a chemical spill and that the maternity ward had been quaranteened and no one could come or go. Apparently a themometer had been broken and there was mercury all over our ward. So we were kept captive until 6:30pm when they finally got enough cleaned up that it was safe to leave. We drove home, Raph ran in and grabed clothing for us and we drove straight to his sisters reception. We quickly changed when we got there and went into the hall just as everyone was sitting down to dinner. Well...we got swarmed! Talk about overwheming. It felt like EVERYONE left there tables and came to see us and the brand new little one. The DJ even announced what was going on. Once the swarm dispersed a little we left the room as I needed to feed Zachary before we settled at our table. We walked out of the hall and I burst into tears as I just felt so overwhelmed. Anyway, I can go into that more later but I stayed about two hours and then my dad took me home so Raph could keep celebrating with his family.
And so in terms of the breast feeding Zachary just screams into my breast or falls asleep. I've only been able to get him to latch on and suck twice in the last two weeks. I have not totally given up...yet, but it's getting really hard to put together formula, pump my breasts AND try to get him to take my breast himself a few times a day... It feels like all I'm doing is either feeding him or preparing to feed him. At first I felt totally rejected when he did this, now it's just frustration. Between him wailing most of the time he's awake and having to pump when I have time and hope my supply doesn't dry up it's exhausting. At this point I'm only able to get a maximum of 1 - 2 oz. total from both breasts and he's eating 3 oz a meal. I keep thinking what do I do when he's up to 4oz or more and I am still producing 1 - 2 oz. I have an double electric pump now so I can do both breasts in half the time and I try to keep pumping even after the milk stops to make it feel like there is more demand but I'm having no luck so far. I really wanted him to be exclusively breastfed but that is quickly fading as time progresses and I get more and more exhausted and frustrated. I have seen a lactation consultant twice and they too say I'm doing everything right and to keep trying and hopefully one day he'll just "get it"
Anyway, that's my story and I'm sure I'm missing lots.
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